I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sext me about skeletons
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
