I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
