Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
