hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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