Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
