Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
