My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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