whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
