I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
