he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
