Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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