im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
