so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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