margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
