then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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