He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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