Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
