I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
