I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
did you just send me my own nude
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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