We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
