You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
