Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i out mim tonsoeep
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