sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
