if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
