Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
