I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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