ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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