Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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