Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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