I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
