Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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