I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
