just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
