it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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