So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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