**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
