I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
