You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So squirting runs in the family.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
