1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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