My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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