Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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