ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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