haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
