the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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