Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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