you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
