best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
