Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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