either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
