that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
