He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
