and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
