My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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