I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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