lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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