I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
