your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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