nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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