he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
