my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
