I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
