Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
