I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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