Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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