i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
