i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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